I am often asked how you best deal with mistakes. And this concerns both, mistakes that have just happened and those that we have had in our cells for a very long time. As you know, I work with HIGH ACHIEVERS, who are often in the public eye and help them under all that pressure - not only to PERFORM better, but also to be happy and at peace with themselves.
Think of a professional footballer or a singer, where every little mistake is monitored closely and the next step always has to be safe. So it is of course extremely important that when mistakes happen that they are left behind almost instantly.
I remember this well from my time on stage and have often experienced it, when I didn't quite hit a note or forgot my text. This feeling of shame and embarrassment often hung over my head for days, or even weeks, and I was so occupied with trying to avoid this happening again. You can imagine that I was anything but present and in the moment. Not to mention “enjoying the show”. Always watching out to not make any mistake again. And with that the next mistake was of course inevitable.
When I taught the 6 Week Masters for the first time, I mentioned a tool called The Reframe only on the side, because the training is already so packed with tools and processes. It didn’t even have a place in the workbook. And yet I quickly realised again how valuable the reframe really is and how much it can help when you are stuck in that “How could I do this” - mode.
The great thing is, that the Reframe is a method that we can use anytime and anywhere.
But before I get into that:
It is said that our brain cannot tell the difference whether we are actually experiencing something or whether we are imagining it with all of our senses. Think, for example, of the reactions that some people have when they watch a horror film or remember a traumatic experience. The body often reacts with the same symptoms as if it were actually experiencing it right now. My father was always shooting guns when he was sitting in his armchair watching western films. :)
Just recently I was working with a young athlete on a certain fear and even though we were both sitting safely at home in front of our computers, his hands were getting clammy, his body tensed up, he started sweating and his breathing became shallow - he actually wanted to leave his room and go - and I believe we all know that feeling. And it is precisely these kind of reactions that we can use for the reframe. But how does it work?
REFRAME:
Close your eyes and relax and in your mind go back to the moment where you made your mistake and experience it again. Only for a moment and only if you are not too uncomfortable with it. It is often the case that we keep going through our mistakes in our minds anyway - this will be the last time now!
Then you rewind the memory like a film back to the moment shortly before the mistake happened and when maybe everything was still good.
AND NOW you imagine how the situation would have worked out in the best possible way and optimally. Yes, you are dreaming, so to speak: How would you have behaved better, reacted differently or how could it have worked out optimally for you? Experience it in your imagination with all your senses.
Then you rewind the memory like a video tape back to the moment shortly before the mistake
happened and when maybe everything was still good.
And again you imagine how the situation would have worked out optimally and in the best way. Maybe can imagine things even better now. How would you have behaved better, reacted differently or how could it have gone optimally for you? Experience it in your imagination with all your senses.
Then you rewind the memory like a video tape back to the moment shortly before the mistake happened and when maybe everything was still good. And you repeat the whole thing 3-4 times. You will see that you will feel better with each round.
Two things happen here: First, in my opinion, you overwrite your cell memory and now save a new, more positive memory. Most people say now, when they think back of the old mistake, that they no longer feel so bad, or even feel no charge in their body at all. Secondly, we have now already practiced for the future and know how to act should we ever come across a similar situation again. And that shouldn't be underestimated. Which brings us to something called the preframe ...
But that’s another time ...;)
Give it a try - you might be surprised.
I have recently started another 6 Weeks Masters training in German and am looking for the perfect date for the next international training - just keep an eye on my emails if you feel this could be interesting for you..
Much love
Gido
